Amazing is the feeling of happiness and well being I feel. Don’t get me wrong these ain’t new feelings I have suddenly realized but it’s just that the feeling of happiness, well being and ease with the world is so much more deeper now that it almost frightens me.
Oh yes there exists this dreadful fear too. Fear born out of failure to write off the uncertainty of the future. The fear is keen on swallowing up my happiness. As it keeps on telling me at every possible moment that this happiness won’t last simply because it’s too good to be true.
And of course many a times I find myself grinning from ear to ear. Not being able to concentrate on the things people around me are talking about no matter how interesting it is simply because its got noting do with the thoughts on my mind. I also find myself more humble than I was ever before. Hehehehehehehe
Suddenly there is this profound pleasure in dressing up. Standing in front of the mirror for hours, choosing dress after dress. This isn’t to say the idea of dressing up was dreaded before. Trying to come up with a different hairstyle everyday, albeit unsuccessfully. And of course remembering not to leave the house without putting on Kohl.
These things mattered before too. But the level of consciousness is more now. Seeing to it that the eyebrows and the upper lips is tended to on time. But this is not all. Somehow seeing one’s image reflected in the mirror is not enough. Of course the mirror doesn’t lie. But spending hours trying to look one’s best and finally managing to come up with some what satisfying result is not enough if the day goes without those pair of eyes failing to.
I don’t know if others feel the same way. This feeling of restlessness, anxiety about future. The profound pleasure with the present. The day dreams that light up the face and attract everyone’s attention only to leave you blushing to your toes leaving you with next to impossible task of coming with an excuse to explain the situation Do you know why?
– Pratichya Dulal
