Dear friends, I have a confession to make and since I am too ashamed to say it in front of you all I decided to write it down so that you know everything without me blushing in front of you all over again. Here goes my confession – I got drunk and made a mess of things a while ago. This incident to be exact happened a month ago. Along with two of my colleagues I had gone to a restaurant near my office. You see, we had a bottle of rum that had come all the way from Goa. We wanted to share it. The rum however was a little too strong for me to my liking so I gave up after the second round. Until then I was fine. In my case two glass/ peg is no big deal. But the taste of the rum wasn’t to my liking. Moreover I wasn’t in the habit of going out with these colleagues, It was the third time we had gone out to drink and in all those time I had always made sure that I did not lose my cool in front of them. Always ending the evening even when I was sure I could take a couple more.
.. And on this fateful Sunday too, I was fine, absolutely fine till the time we exited. It was at the parking place I threw up, everything that I had eaten that day. You can only guess the state I was in. Throwing up in front of these two men only after consuming a couple of glasses. Something I had never done. No matter how many bottles I had emptied. I could feel my pride too coming out of my mouth and landing falling in the ground for everyone around to see. The shame I felt then knew no limit, it ran to the extent that lacking the courage to face the two of them I did not go to work the next day.
Yes I kept this incident in the dark for a month but what could I do I was so ashamed of the whole thing. I just couldn’t tell you in the face. I tried time and again to get over it but simply couldn’t. You see I prided my self on my drinking abilities, well yes I agree a stupid thing to be proud of, and one I can’t even claim anymore. Nevertheless I was proud of the fact that I knew my limit and never crossed it, I used to call my self – a sound drinker. One who knew never created scene after consuming alcohol? Always returned home, steady on my feet. And to have this reputation go in such a shameful manner was too much for me.
I almost have a drinking phobia now. Not more than a week after the incident I had a weeding party to attend. My friend was getting married, an occasion be celebrate with a drink, I had wanted to drink a glass or two of wine, toasting on her happiness but I simply couldn’t.
This weekend I went out with an old friend and even here I couldn’t drink even half a glass. I sipped a little every now and then pretending to enjoy it. But pretend was what I was doing. How could I do anything else with the memory of myself throwing up coming to my mind with every sip I took?
Well that’s the long and the short of my story. Writing it wasn’t as tough as I had thought it would be. I only wish I could enjoy a couple of glass every now and then just like the way I did before this incident. At the moment I am in a no man’s land, wanting to enjoy a glass or two and being unable to.
–Â Pratichya Dulal
