Given that their age is similar and its definitely not a case of love affair and yet a post graduate lady and a high school passed man make a ideal pair! Want to know the full story? Let me begin with Nepalese in Dehradun. The Gorkhali society here accepts well-educated brides for not-so-well educated grooms as easily as it welcomes the oppositely matched couples. “Seeing my well paid job she married me,” gushes out Arbind Thapa, 40, kidding to his wife.
Thapa was 35 year old and had passed 12th standard when he married 25-year-old , Meena Sharma, a post graduate in commerce. Then he was an ordinary jobholder. He loved fishing, drinking and hanging out with his peers and so marriage was the last thing on his mind. But his elders would not let him miss the greatest experience of life and so marriage proposals flooded to him. And what a time he had choosing his other half, as all the girls were either graduate or postgraduate.
But high education makes no difference, says Thapa, because, “even educated wives can look after their husband and children well!”
Amazing factor here is Meena’s acceptation of a less qualified husband in an arrange marriage ” My parents chose him and I had no problem,” the wife replies coolly. “Here you can get many couples like us- wife more educated than the husband. If a man has a decent job, and is from a good family he doesn’t have to sweat to get a wife,” she adds with a hearty smile.
Dhiren Ale who never went to school after failing in 10th standard also tied the nuptial knot with a postgraduate female 3 years ago. Their marriage too was fixed by the family and in this case too the guy had no problem getting a better qualified wife. ” Our family knew each other very well and I had no objection when my parents wanted her as their daughter in law.
“Sabita, Ale’s wife had no problem either. “He had a small business of his own, his family is well known among the Gorkhalis and above all, my parents desired for this relationship,” recounts the happy wife.
The case is common in Dehradun. What could be the cause behind these interesting matches while the society is but again just male dominated? Scarcity of males/ educated males, among Gorkhalis? Pressure of dowry system or ???? All of the approached candidates denied dowry system being the crucial cause behind such matches. “Though dowry system exists here, the Gorkhali community is not too much bothered by it,” they maintain. About the first speculation too, there is no official data available as to be confirmed over the aspect however.
And a retired teacher, a well known Gorkhali here, Shiva Upadhya reacts, “It certainly may not be that Gorkhali males are slow learners or dull students compared to their counterparts.”
“Well, but the issue is interesting, and yes, in my own circle also there are many wives highly educated than their husbands,” he says merrily. After a pause he however puts up his viewpoint, “One of the reasons of the boys’ low education might be the their fondness towards joining army. From their very small age they dream to get into army and focus more on physical fitness rather than concentration on studies. And in earlier days, for Gorkhalis, it was easier too. Now there’s tough competition even for our boys – however, they are still regarded as the brave caste!”
Upadhya adds on to his explanation, “The boys who fail to join the army never continue with their studies but look for any kind of job for instant earnings. On the other hand, the girls coolly go on with their education and get ahead of the boys.
“Well, anything might have caused so but a confirmed thing is- if you are a male from a good family, with a nice job and desperately want a highly educated partner despite your unimpressive academic qualification your destination shall be nowhere than Dehradun!
– Anjali Subedi, Dehradun
(Anjali was with the kathmandu post until she got married in Dehradun)
